evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
