Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
