Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just want to make out with him forever
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
