Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
