so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
