Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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