I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
