meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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