Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
