Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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