I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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