it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So much Jack, so little girl.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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