So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
