I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
