so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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