You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What a dumb baby whore.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
