why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
