I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
