90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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