O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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