The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
