Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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