I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
