piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
