I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
