U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
