I got chris browned last night
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This girl is more easily done than said...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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