all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
