Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
