I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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