so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize