I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
