what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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