I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
