He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
