Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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