sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize