Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
