I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
