I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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