Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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