I faked an abortion last night.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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