i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
