This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
