are you so shy because you have an std?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
