im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize