the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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