I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
