new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
