her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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