we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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