For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
