My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize