Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
