i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
