I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
