So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Shame is for Republicans.
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