I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
