Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
