just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
jump out the window naked night went bad
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
