I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
