So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
