I wish my penis had an off switch
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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