im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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