Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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