Having a random hookup so left but love u
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
