Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
