I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
