Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
