oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Please don't give away my fajitas
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
