New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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