how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
