True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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