Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
