Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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