saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
