you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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