I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
