Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
