i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
