dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
