If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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