yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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