Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
