I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
