I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
