how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
