sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
