life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
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