his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
