that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
