Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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