so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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